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Which Pill Do You Choose?

Pill One:
“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”- Romans 5:3-4

Pill Two:
Not only so, but we accept our suffering (because what else CAN you do?).. because we know suffering produces anger; anger, bitterness; and bitterness a hard, cold exterior that will make sure you are never hurt again. ~ School of Hard Knocks

Underneath this cool, smiley, "I love, Jesus" exterior; is a woman that is really ANGRY! about the fact that EVERY SINGLE man that has come near to my heart has beat me up (either physically, emotionally, or spiritually) and left me for dead. As they go along their merry way, I am left with the intellectual reality, that I am to FORGIVE them.

So I say, "I forgive you."

Smile pretty, play churchy.. but when another man approaches. I keep my whip in place and keep the tiger at bay. Facing that cold, hard covenant that says, "never again, will I give pearls to swine". Never again will a man's heart come near mine.

As I walk around all self righteous because I am so "pure" in my walk. How I don't date, or engage in romantic relationships. How I have kept myself set apart for the Lord.

Hogwash!!! The intellectual attempt to forgive has failed me miserably. As more insult is added to injury by my ex-husbands it only solidifies the wall to my cage. As they live in gluttony and selfishness; big homes and 6 digit incomes and have taken my children.. I am walking out the life of a pauper, living pay check to pay check in a little mobile home. Why?

I NEED TO FORGIVE. It must be done. Not just a matter of (intellectual assent) KNOWING and SAYING, but daily DOING and CHOOSING (heart revelation).

Even though I have not "sinned" on the exterior, my heart is full of sin. Anger, Hate, Malice, Pain imploded within myself because this "sweet, Christian girl" does not dare acknowledge it.

Perhaps this blog is too honest to post, perhaps it is too transparent. Perhaps this just disqualifies me in the eyes of every single person reading it.

Or perhaps, it is more than that. The Word says, confess your sins one to another and you will be healed James 5:16. I will hold up this NASTY MESS in my heart and tell you.. LOOK LOOK>> THIS IS TOTALLY GROSSING ME OUT! LOOK LOOK>> I HATE SIN!! I WANT TO FORGIVE!!!

I have decided this day to choose my pill.

Let offense come! Let the past get behind me... I CHOOSE TO LOVE! I CHOOSE TO FORGIVE! I CHOOSE TO HONOR!

Forgiveness is a heart position in which you duck (in humility) so God can get a clear shot at the enemy. ~ HB CHER

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