Jiron

I have a house, car and land totally paid for in another country. I have enough unearned income to live comfortably there (not extravagantly, but comfortably). I have a dream of being able to spend all day with my son (now I spend about 2 hours a day with him). I have a dream about homeschooling my son, taking him through the Rain Forest, teaching him math, physics, chemistry. Finding someone to give him piano, violin, or harp lessons. Reading to him some of the best literature ever written. I dream of actually being able to raise him.. not just work for hours and hours just to keep a roof over our heads, keep us warm and fed. I have a dream about raising an incredible man that will know how to seek God and most importantly, know how to find Him. I dream of raising someone who KNOWS Jesus intimately, personally, and who flows in such authority and anointing, that when the earth groans for the sons of God to arise... my son will answer. I'm sorry, but am I really in La La land?

My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. ~ Albert Einstein (this reminds me of some people I know) AND, just because Einstein says it, doesn't make it right. Get out there and BE a friend to someone. The world needs you more than you even know!

Spontaneously started crying this evening at work. Flashbacks of my dad teaching me to ride a bike. Flashbacks of all the scrapes he helped me get through. Flashbacks of the fights I would get in to as a kid (I got in to alot of them), just to come home to find out other parents called my mom and she was armed and ready to whip me. While my dad would stand in front of her, forbidding it. Flash backs of how MUCH he really loved me. Oh MAN!! This really hurts. I need to go home.

Coming back to work after my father's death and left to face 300 invoices on my desk totaling $5.6 million, that are not processed or organized in any way. I have a deadline in 4 days to have a completed report that describes and codes each invoice. It took a literal miracle to get it done. This is the boss's reply. ______________________________________________ Sent: Monday, January 26, 2009 9:19 AM To: Cher Subject: RE: January Draw Draft I looked over this and made some corrections. There were some that had no coding, only a description. There were also some with spelling errors and spacings that belonged that weren't there. These are the things you should be catching so I don't have to go through this in such detail each month to correct. _________________________________________________ I ran the document through spell check and found 4 errors. sigh... I forgot to do the spell check BEFORE turning it in. But 5 pages, $5M, and 4 errors... Why don't they just fir...

Pure and Chaste a woman I'll be For when I die all will see That when I could I did not and now I'm left with just a thought Was the principal worth the pain Or was it really all in vain When lonely to the grave I do go Will I wish that you, I did know?

How do you know if your relationship has substance? When you continue to love, even when the other is silent. Am I begging God for something? No Am I desperate to hear His voice? Not really. Do I feel let down or abandoned? Not at all. I trust Him and I love Him Not for what He can or does do for me. Not for the goosebumps I get when His presence is tangible and electric. Not for the many answered prayers and financial miracles. Not for the moments where my belly quivers and I seem to know things that no one else can see. No, I love Him because He exists. I love Him because He is the only being in the entire universe that truly deserves to be loved. You don't have to speak, Lord You don't have to move, You don't have to reach down and rescue me. It's ok, I'm here, and I am yours. This alone is enough to last my lifetime. This alone is what keeps me faithful. Everything else is sheer luxury. Everything else is abundance. Thank you, Lord For trusting me enough To be s...

In the wake of sleep and slumber Comes a time when you begin to wonder what is real and what is false what will last when all is lost I find in the depths of my inner being Something rests that once was sleeping Reality Secret friends that will not reveal that hide away from what I feel They perch they preen they flutter about But do they really have a clue of why I doubt Friendships real or false they be It's all pretend, for show you see Show how much they pretend to love Show how much they know His love Validation of existence through relationships unseen Pursuit of the heart that is not truly clean. Spiritual ambition is mine no more for I see now, there is no love at the chore. ~Cherstin Molle Jiron ___________________________________________________ I never felt more like Jesus, then when I was sitting at a bar in Costa Rica Watching my dad's friends get drunk Enjoying their company - full of laughter And Driving them safely home :) Loving them with all my heart. Only aft...

Sleep How much do I really need it? The stack at work is huge. The pile at home is enormous. My relationship with God is quiet. Actually the Holy Spirit has been quiet for a month now. I miss hearing His voice, but I imagine He is loving me from a distance. He knows me well enough, to give me space when I am in pain. But I know He's there. And I know He will crack me open and sooth the broken places. I am battling hardness right now. It's something that is coming to me trying to tell me - to become hard, is the only way I can manage the pain. Although a portion of that is true, I have to function after all, and it does no good for me to crumble. But I can't lose my emotion to hardness. I have to learn to accept pain and not push it away. I have to learn to walk with it and through it. I have to learn to sleep despite of it.

My soul is wrapped in sadness, With words I can not say. I find myself as broken down there's nothing left to pray. Your voice recorded from long ago, Your face is but an echo; and now I see what you left behind but nothing compares to having you here. The last man alive to love me is now gone. Left with a void and no one to lean on. I'm tired... I come home to screaming children, oblivious to things of depth. I come home to laundry, dishes and dinner.. and bills that were left. Come home to what? No time to mourn Back in to the wheel I go.

I finally received my Costa Rican ID today. It was quite an ordeal since I am 36 years old and most people get theirs when they turn 18. I had to prove that I was not stealing a dead persons identity. It is done now. The police here are still not allowing me in to my father´s house. Apparently the attention from my dad´s death is causing them to be extra careful in investigating cause of death. They are really suspicious of his estranged wife and suspect murder. They want to be sure there was no foul play. In the mean time they do not want me going in and contaminating any possible evidence. Everyone is saying it is nonsense, because any evidence should have been done at time of death, not a week later. And cause of death is as easy as a phone call to the coroner. But the DA wants everything in writing. The German Embassy has put alot of pressure on the OIJ (Costa Rica´s FBI) to make sure everything is done properly and thoroughly. In the mean time, I have to wait. The neighbors are tr...

Somehow in just 2 days I managed to retrieve my father's body, purchase a casket and flowers, and have a viewing and burial by a beautiful beach. I rested on Sunday and come Monday morning, everything came to a stop. The local police have been obstinate and paranoid. I did manage to hire a good attorney who put together paperwork explaining that I am the only child and sole heir to my father's estate. He then had to draw up official documents that show that my father's house was purchased PRIOR to his remarriage with "the woman" (no one even likes to say her name here). The law here states that everything purchased prior to marriage belongs to the estate, not the wife. So I own the house free and clear. Even with all my documentation the police are reviewing everything (and taking forever) to make sure I am TRULY my father's daughter. The problem comes because in the US last names change after marriage; here in Costa Rica the wife does not lose her maiden name...

I made it to Costa Rica at 11pm last night. My father's neighbors met me at the airport and drove me to the neighborhood where one of them is letting me stay at his home.The hospitality here has been unbelievable!! My father had amazing friends here who loved and cared for him deeply. I am so glad to see that he had "family". The details of my arrival and notification are nothing short of a miracle. There is so much I want to write. There has been amazing connections and God is making Himself known in everything I am having to do. I am about to prepare for my father's viewing. I do not have much time to type everything out. But I MUST say.. that Jesus has walked in front of me. He has cleared the path and the favor is MASSIVE. These things all testify to me that the Lord not only loves me dearly, but cared for and loved my father very much. Jesus is making certain that all wrongs are made right. I am learning from this experience that we truly are more than conquerors...