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I Laid It Down

I went to see Nigel McNeil at Grace International Church in Willis. I brought Lauren and Zoe the first night. Zoe was so upset by the grieving atmosphere in the church that she started to cry. She refused to come with us again the second night. There was lots of talk of witchcraft the first night (then he preached on "The Blessing"- the exact same sermon he preached on 4/19/06 - I still had his old notes in my bible), and talk of Jezebels the second night (followed up by preaching on "the conflict of being chosen"- Nigel pointed out Mary's dilemma of being misunderstood and considered a crazy, adulterous - when God chose her - I found the parallels interesting). Nevertheless - fear, paranoia, finger pointing, suspicion, delirium... all overshadowed the 2 meetings I attended. It was a hard thing to witness.

The church is taking a severe beating and Nigel was quick to point out what a fabulous pastor and elders the church has.... I agree with him, I truly felt sorry for them. My compassion for the church was so intense. I danced both nights and recognized the rut the members were facing. Over the years nothing had changed... When members become excited about worship they hopped up and down in place. The 2 "official" intercessors were the ONLY ones who were free to MOVE and would streak back and forth at the altar for some effect that I am not totally sure of. I sensed more of a territorial thing going on or perhaps an attempt to bind. On the second night one "intercessor" did her little streak across and circled around me and tapped my shoulder during praise and worship - it seemed creepy to me (I found out later that she did the same thing to Zoe the first night and that was part of the reason why she didn't want to go back). Maybe it was all the witchcraft talk.. but I did feel like I needed a bath afterwards. ***

I prayed for G.I.C. and felt so much love for them. I am happy to be healed of the pain of offense. I am happy that I can worship Jesus no matter where I am or what the atmosphere. I am happy that Grace is in the Hands of Father/God and He knows what He is doing. They will come out of it and Jesus will be Glorified.

It's interesting when God levels out mountains and raises up valleys. Being humbled is one of the hardest experiences in life; but once you get it.. you can be humbled and not ashamed. You can live and love others without being so self absorbed and self righteous. There is so much freedom in knowing you are NOT God, or even close. I am not even allowed to run my OWN life.. much less someone else's. WHAT A RELIEF!


**Note: I did get my bath Friday night before performance when we prayed over one of the ballerinas who had just had brain surgery 6 months prior.. it was her first dance since and she was hurting.. when we prayed I felt such a shower of God's love. All the gunky, hex stuff washed right off of me.. it was confirmed after the prayer when I had glitter all over my hands. Out of the entire cast 3 of us had our hands covered in iridescent glitter (non makeup induced I promise). It was a comfort to me to have a spiritual bath and a physical manifestation to show me it was done.

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