During a time of Spiritual Solitude and Separation.
I began to ask questions. It is odd, how difficult it is to ask a question. I found through much of my upbringing that questions are generally frowned upon.
As a child they seem to annoy parents.
As a kid in Sunday School, they seem to annoy Elders.
As a student in class, they annoy teachers (when outside of the scope of text book answers).
As a college student, they annoy professors (who expect you to receive all knowledge & perspective without challenge); who, at best, make you feel dumb for asking in the first place.
So standing before God ... I am often left speechless and WAY too intimidated.
But on this particular occasion, I decided to REALLY consider DEEPLY the question I have for Him and just ask it.
So I meditated and focused all my attention on what is the ONE THING that seems to be hindering my progress in life. The conclusion was ...... ME.
So I asked, "who am I?"
To my surprise, the Spirit of God within ... answered QUICKLY!! (as if anticipating the question for years already).
He said.... "You are not a WHO at all"
What???
Ok.. so obviously there is a language barrier here.
"How is it possible that I am not a who??" everyone is a WHO?
Then came the download (only way to describe it) Of multiple possibilities of how to answer the Who question... ALL of which were relatively shallow.
For Example... Who am I? ---- a mom ---- that is less of a who then it is a what...
Who am I? -- a wife---- that is more of the same functional definition
then a true description.
Who am I? --- a human being--- isn't that more of an it then a who??
Who am I? --- Cherstin Mendez --- That is just a name... if someone else had that name... they would not be ME. They would just have the same label as me.
Every single answer I had equated to an outward function... not a true description of BEING.
Then I saw for the first time; that I am not a noun, verb, or adjective.
I am something else all together.... other.
Suddenly... I connected with a concept.
I am a WHEN. I am NOW.
Right?
The me of my past (only exists as firing neurons of memory cells)
The me of the future (only exists as my imagination can paint the picture in the firing neurons of the grey matter of a physical organ called the mind)
The only manifestation of me in existence in NOW.
Everything else is mere intangible perception.
True.. but we are all NOW.. are we not? Yet we are not all the same Being.... Are we?
Even though I may not have my answer (at least in an understandable way); I do believe I am getting closer to finding the right question.
I will keep trying.
"God is praised for being mysterious; rulers are praised for explaining mysteries." Proverbs 25:2 CEV
I began to ask questions. It is odd, how difficult it is to ask a question. I found through much of my upbringing that questions are generally frowned upon.
As a child they seem to annoy parents.
As a kid in Sunday School, they seem to annoy Elders.
As a student in class, they annoy teachers (when outside of the scope of text book answers).
As a college student, they annoy professors (who expect you to receive all knowledge & perspective without challenge); who, at best, make you feel dumb for asking in the first place.
So standing before God ... I am often left speechless and WAY too intimidated.
But on this particular occasion, I decided to REALLY consider DEEPLY the question I have for Him and just ask it.
So I meditated and focused all my attention on what is the ONE THING that seems to be hindering my progress in life. The conclusion was ...... ME.
So I asked, "who am I?"
To my surprise, the Spirit of God within ... answered QUICKLY!! (as if anticipating the question for years already).
He said.... "You are not a WHO at all"
What???
Ok.. so obviously there is a language barrier here.
"How is it possible that I am not a who??" everyone is a WHO?
Then came the download (only way to describe it) Of multiple possibilities of how to answer the Who question... ALL of which were relatively shallow.
For Example... Who am I? ---- a mom ---- that is less of a who then it is a what...
Who am I? -- a wife---- that is more of the same functional definition
then a true description.
Who am I? --- a human being--- isn't that more of an it then a who??
Who am I? --- Cherstin Mendez --- That is just a name... if someone else had that name... they would not be ME. They would just have the same label as me.
Every single answer I had equated to an outward function... not a true description of BEING.
Then I saw for the first time; that I am not a noun, verb, or adjective.
I am something else all together.... other.
Suddenly... I connected with a concept.
I am a WHEN. I am NOW.
Right?
The me of my past (only exists as firing neurons of memory cells)
The me of the future (only exists as my imagination can paint the picture in the firing neurons of the grey matter of a physical organ called the mind)
The only manifestation of me in existence in NOW.
Everything else is mere intangible perception.
True.. but we are all NOW.. are we not? Yet we are not all the same Being.... Are we?
Even though I may not have my answer (at least in an understandable way); I do believe I am getting closer to finding the right question.
I will keep trying.
"God is praised for being mysterious; rulers are praised for explaining mysteries." Proverbs 25:2 CEV
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