Daily I am learning more of a word I once took for granted. A word in the english language that is easy to say but extremely difficult to live. Yet, the reward of learning to LIVE this word is good for the soul. The word is Endurance.
When I first started as a CO. The days (nights actually) were extremely long. I remember "sleep driving" on many occasions on my way home. There were even times where I would "wake up" and realize I was lost somewhere inside of my own neighborhood. That was a brand new experience for me. How I managed to literally drive around “awake” and be completely disconnected from any awareness in my mind is both amazing and frightening at the same time. I had very little sleep those first 2 years of my career. I would go to bed around 9am (sometimes later if there were family issues to take care of) and wake at 2:30 pm or 3 pm (if I slept in). I had to be dressed and be out of the house by 3:50 pm to make it to work by 5:15. My commute was way too long back then. But it was my son's senior year of High School and I did not want to relocate the family for my job.
When I think about, I estimate that it took me about 9 months to learn solid inmate management skills. It felt like everybody else seemed to get it much quicker. For me, it was a real struggle. My personality prevents me from cursing AT people. Basically, I made a decision not to compromise the essence of who I truly am, in order to conform to the culture that surrounded me. I FILLED my mind with the words "Be Professional" all day long throughout the day. I made sure that I did not become emotionally invested into silly arguments or try to "prove" myself. When I first started I was told by Warden Perez that we are to treat inmates like they are human; until they are not. I made a commitment to do so. Unfortunately, that made me appear weak to many. I would not curse, be aggressive, verbally abusive, emotional, or "get in anyone's face". I stayed professional. THAT became my inmate management style. And eventually people (inmates and staff) started to accept it, even though many did not like it. I will note: even though this style took much longer to gain respect and adherence, out of the 40 in my class only 3 of us remain. I am the only one of the 3 who has not quit (or taken extended leave) and come back. I am the only one that held fast to endure. I continued the course working as a rover, desk boss, transport, tower, central control, searchers desk, front lobby for a while until switching to day shift.
When the position of Chain Officer came up, I quickly applied and was able to receive the lateral promotion into a preferred position. I was a chain officer for almost 2 years. This was a Monday through Friday job with overtime. Even though it was day shift, my hours were even longer. I worked from 6a-8pm through out the week. I was moving inmates and making sure they were transported on and off the unit in a procedurally correct manner. This became my life for a couple of years. The stress of this position had increased exponentially from just being a Rover or Desk Boss. My day was FULL of convincing convicts to move into new housing when they were "good" where they were at. I dealt with property being tagged and inventoried properly (or improperly) by staff, having Lieutenants curse at me when I am not able to complete a move without force being necessary; having Lieutenants lie to Inmate Records stating that I was in charge of coordinating transports that were not in any way my responsibility; having Captains and Lieutenants try to tell me that I was responsible for ALL movement on the Unit, whether it be on building moves, special transports, vans, AND buses; the workload was tremendous and my job description was generally unknown by Shift Supervisors. Basically the attempt was commonly made to get me to do more than was humanly possible for one human being. My saving grace was the fact that my Wardens and Major knew what was and was not by job description and stayed very supportive of me. Without them, I believe I would have drowned. Towards the end of my Chain Officer position, I was beginning to experience "stress hives". These bumps started showing up on my arms and legs that looked like large spider bites. They itched and were painful. All my body's reaction to long "challenging" days of being cursed at by rank, demeaned by fellow officers, yelled at by inmates, and walking 8 - 10 miles a day. When I was told that I would be mandated to work 10 days straight every month, leaving me with very little physical or emotional recovery time. I decided it may be time to look for another duty post.
The sergeant position came up and (despite the feeling like it was too soon) I decided to go for it. My interview went well and I received my chevron pin. June 18th was my first day to work as a Sergeant. 4 of us were promoted. 2 of us (both females) were sent immediately to 8 Building which housed all G5's. This proved to be a test of all tests. With no experience, no training, no academy; we were placed among the most difficult inmates on the entire Super Max Unit. This was also during a short staffing time with 40 escorts and only one rover. The other sergeant and I did what we knew to do; dive in and work. We started by doing rounds. She started on one side and I the other. We assessed the "temperature" of the building to see what maintenance, feeding and medical issues needed to be addressed. The demands on us were tremendous and inmate management skills were an ABSOLUTE must. Many calls pertained to inmates refusing to go back to their housing after showers or from returning from medical and wanting showers, cellie conflicts; demands for outside rec; and incorrect meal trays (diets) being passed out or not served at all. Many LITERAL fires to be put out throughout the day. It was exhausting. My co-sergeant injured her knee a couple of weeks into the trial by fire and I was left on my own. This remained my duty post (really to this day). Relief came when it was finally time to go to the Sergeant's Academy in August.
The academy was incredible. I cherished the experience and the training. I was also very excited to hear that there is a strong push to change the "culture" within the prison system. My "Be Professional" style is actually the direction the state is going towards! I was and am overjoyed. It is definitely MUCH more difficult to continually practice deescalation over force. But, in the long run, if we can accomplish verbal intervention over physical force, there will be alot less officers getting injured. I am all for it .... but I am also realistic. There will be a select few (especially on 8 building) that will not listen to reason no matter how hard we try. These few will need to be addressed with more persuasion. It is an unfortunate reality. I have been a Sergeant for 8 building now for 5 months. Out of the 4 of us that were pinned, I am the one to remain. One went to night shift; One went out of medical leave and is now on night shift; the other stays on 7 building most of the time (which isn't a picnic either). Many of our experienced sergeants have taken off their pins or moved to Death Row. We will be boarding for more soon.
Being an Officer/Sergeant in Corrections is really challenging. From my personal experience, I have done CPR twice (once on an inmate who was dead on my arrival - both men now live as a result). I have put out so many fires that were so intense you couldn't see the hand in your face from all the black soot all around. I have been exposed to chemical agents repeatedly. I wear multiple layers of clothes and a stab vest in temperatures well over 100 degrees. I go many days where I don't sit down long enough to eat for a full 14 hours. I have been dashed on repeatedly and even had an inmate get semen in my hair. I have witnessed horrendous assaults and seen many violent injuries. Yet, I have only been an officer for 3 1/2 years.
What I must conclude by saying is: if you want to KNOW what it means to endure, to persevere, to grow in patience, to grow in understanding, to grow in discernment, to learn about the darkest parts of humanity and the greatest feats of humanity simultaneously; then become a correctional officer. If you prefer comfort and ease; then avoid it all together. This career is a pathway that very few can navigate and still remain whole.
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