Embracing the Limbo

I left my husband.... and I feel like my heart is on the edge of a cliff. The same feeling I had when I dangled my feet off the edge of the Grand Canyon. I know leaving was right ... but I am completely surrounded by so many unknowns. Part of me feels frozen in place... and another part is waiving a banner and blowing a horn and telling me to get up and move quickly. I have a family to support and care for and a life to overcome. One voice says I am already victorious. Another voice says that I am about to fall apart. The warrior and the subservient wife sharing the same body and feeding me opposite stories. Leaving my husband makes me the quitter, I suppose.

I quit being called Worthless
I quit being called less of a woman than any woman he has ever been with
I quit being called fat
I quit being called a dike
I quit being told I can not spend time with my children
I quit being told that I can not have clothes, or shoes, or even new underwear
I quit being told that I am incompetent and stupid
I quit being told that I am forgetful
I quit being told that I am clumsy
I quit being told that I can't manage money so am not allowed to access any.
I quit being told that I am not allowed to fellowship with other women
I quit being told that I am not good at relationships
I quit being called a witch
I quit being told that I can't clean right.
I quit being made to work 60+ hours a week with no pay
I quit being belittled and degraded and mocked
I quit being told I was not raised right
I quit being told that I would be living under a bridge if it wasn't for him
.......

I am quitting many unhealthy moments and toxic perspectives.

Squashing fear and embracing the unknown.

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Jiron

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