My Dad…. Lost, found and Lost again.

February 23, 2022, at the age of 49, I found out that my biological father was alive and well and living in Costa Rica. This discovery came to pass through Ancestry.com. It was an amazing and beautiful discovery. 

As soon I was able, I took vacation time from work and booked a flight to Costa Rica to meet my FATHER. On October 25, 2022 we met in Escazu Costa Rica. The plan was for me to originally stay with Crystal (my stepmother) and my dad for a week for me to learn more about him. The night before my flight, after speaking with Crystal, I felt like something was “off” and decided to stay at another location during my time in Costa Rica. 

I covered my own flight and housing during my stay from October 24th - October 31st. During this time we met for 2 dinners. Crystal was insistent that there was no way my father knew of my existence. She also told me that the only explanation for my existence was that my mother must have been a prostitute. But also insisted that my father would never have knowingly been with a prostitute. 

Unfortunately my mother died when I was 18 years old.  She did tell me that my biological father had died. She told me that they were very much in love and that they lived together in an apartment in San Jose. She told me that my father had to leave San Jose after he told his mother that he was expecting a child. When he left San Jose my mother assumed he would never be back. She gave birth to me and left me to the care of one of my aunts and tried starting a new life with a German man she met (my stepfather) They married and as soon as it was possible for me to travel to Germany, I was raised as my stepfathers daughter.  After my mother and stepfather divorced, I found out the truth about my biological father. When I asked where he was, she told me he had died in a plane accident from San Jose to Liberia when I was a small child.  When I asked his name, she told me Roberto Yagar (that’s how she pronounced it). That’s all I knew about him. 

The story I grew up with is nothing like what Crystal was concluding. Also, her conclusions did not take into account what I knew about my mother. She would NEVER have willingly been involved in prostitution. PERIOD. Also, Crystals agitation with the fact that my mother would have knowingly been pregnant with Robert’s child and not try to exploit him for money, child support, or even marriage. My mother was not like that. And the proof of her character is the fact that she really did raise me on her own and never asked him for anything. 

Despite the uncomfortable dinners, my stepmother did allow me to stay in their apartment the night before my flight to leave. 

After getting back to the US,  I made every attempt possible to stay in touch. Most of my messages were left for weeks / months without acknowledgment. I did leave a video for my dad asking if he was receiving my messages. The question deeply offended her and since June 24th, I have been completely cut off from my father. 

The joy of gaining a father I have longed to know my entire life is now being darkened by the reality that I may not see, hear, or speak to him again before he passes away. 

I know he is in poor health and his cognitive function is in decline. I also know that Crystal is his only caretaker.  Since I am not able to reach either of them, I would appreciate knowing if any of you know about their well-being? I am hoping my story will touch the heart of at least one my father’s friends. I am hoping maybe someone can recall anything pertaining to my possible existence. I am also hoping, that someone may know Crystal well enough to give me advice on how I can go about having access to my father again. She made it clear to me from the start that I am not to mention my existence and relation to my father online. She does not want anyone knowing about me. I believe since I was born well before they were even married, the “scandal” is unnecessary and unreasonable. 

As long as there is a small hope that I would know more about my father, I will not be silenced or be made to be ashamed of my own existence. 

If you are willing, please share a story with me about my dad. What kind of man he was? Your impression of him? Favorite things about him? Any detail is not too small. From what I can tell, I missed 49 years of a wonderful life. 

Thank you,

Cherstin “Jagger” Mendez

#robertjagger